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This is nothing worth reading.

Posted 08-27-09 at 04:30 AM by claudioxcore

I'm serious. I'm writing this cause I feel the new to self-vent and no one I know personally will be reading this.


I find myself wide awake, alone at 4:20AM. Quite the opposite of sober in many ways. None the less, I find myself being able to type perfectly fine.

I've found myself very miserable lately and I honestly have no reason to be whatsoever. I find myself self-medicating more now than I ever have any other time in my life. It's almost becoming an every day thing.

I guess I can blame Facebook for this... as stupid as it may sounds. Seeing all my fellow honor student graduates going on to begin successful and rich lives, and finding myself grinding out bullshit stakes online, just to be able to keep my freedom to do whatever I please.

Would be easier if for some reason people seem to go out of there way to show me how much their lives are flourishing. I know it's not their intentions to make me feel like shit, but, when I hear them go "Yeah, starting my 3rd year of college, I'm close to finishing my major, I've been with this girl for the last year, I have a great apartment with some awesome guys..." and all I can muster up is "Yeah, I made a few grand playing poker this year..." makes me feel quite insignificant.

Undoubtedly, this is not where I expected to be at age 20 in high school. I don't feel obligated to prove myself to anyone but me... but I've gotten to the point where I can't even do that.

I'm going back to school in January. Possibly moving back to New York after I finish becoming a certified EMT.

Poker will be on the back burner, for sure.

Aside from feeling unsuccessful, everything else in my life is going well. I'm very happily "seeing" someone, I'm spending plenty of time with friends, and I've dropped 25 pounds in just over a month and I'm starting to get back in shape.

It's amazing how I can find ways to level myself time and time again.

Cheers.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Reel Deal's Avatar
    Going back to school and getting in shape sounds like the perfect plan for you at this point. And, I won't ask you to be a FB friend, since I don't want to plunge you further into depression.

    Seriously though, set some goals (both school/future career wise and for your health) and then do your best to achieve them. Poker will always be there.
    Posted 08-31-09 at 10:23 AM by Reel Deal Reel Deal is offline
  2. Old Comment
    claudioxcore's Avatar
    Yeah, I'm hoping to just get comfortable and to the point where I'm not barely squeaking by playing poker. I may try re-pursuing poker as my main form of income a few years down the road, but for now, I just ready to start making decent bank with a decent job and get comfortable.

    feel free to add me if you wish RD, as well as any of you other forum degens.
    Posted 08-31-09 at 12:45 PM by claudioxcore claudioxcore is offline
 

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