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Posted 05-28-09 at 04:49 AM by Wes

So that's see, what has happened since the last post on this here blog of gheyness? I have become a drunk again. Some would say sadly, I would just say fuck it all. My apathy towards the world has turned into hatred towards all. Perhaps the world would be better served off with a mass plague.

Is it disconcerting to think that human nature has not evolved in the past 8000 years? We have new gadgets to consume with our lives, but not much in the way of newfound morality towards other human beings. Finally I can carry around a universal tool for jerking off with infinite internet access on a phone. No use for hookers anymore!

I have been reading a lot more than in the past. Although I still do struggle finishing the books that I have. I get somewhere around 1/2-3/4 the way through the book then just decide to read something else. This is likely due to all that other instant gratification that I have let my life be festered upon. Instant porn, instant humor, 16 tables of "work" that I try to satisfy my need for degeneracy (and if that isn't satisfied I can just load up online blackjack or get some flips going on), and a alcohol store so I can buy another twelve pack for the day about a block away.

Reading is a chore, but so so satisfying when you finish it all. Sort of like a good desert. Sure the sugar is the necessity, but if you don't have the yeast and other components, it is just sugar. And that sucks. Instant gratification is my downfall.

Perhaps in twenty years I will have learned how to get the other necessities to get my sugar fix. My investment into (and hopefully you fuckers buy that PicDial shit if you have AT&T or Cricket or whatever company carries it) will hopefully have panned out into that point where I become a seven figure baller. But what is the point of being a baller anyway? It is all instant gratification at that point. I have lived that life for the past three years or so buying whatever I want basically with the exception of real estate, but I don't feel any more happy than I was when I was broke and envisioned having all that I have now. Material wants in this fantasy land of rampant consumerism is a system devoid of pleasure. Sort of like poker. Attaining more and more does not accrue any more psychological favor than one bad day of losing. Poker is like heroine hero on that South Park episode. The more you play, the more you want to go chasing for that needle.

Hmmm, fuck where was this post going? I don't know. It has taken me three beers already to write this. Perhaps my life is intended only for instant gratification. Living my life like Chris Farley death. I could definitely forsee myself in some slum twenty years from now in the high risers looking for the latest G pack to satisfy my heroine addiction. Or I could see myself living in some woods alone with a rifle in my hands shooting the pray for the days worth of food. Every envisioning of future self I see either dirt poor again, or wanting to live in a dirt poor fashion again. Fuck, maybe I should see a psychiatrist about this. Getting hooked an Xanax would probably be a better outcome long term than the inevitable sucking Tyrone's cock for a snippet of coke to satisfy my urge.
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