Sorry to hear this
It sounds as if you have realized you have a problem, even if you are still struggling to admit it to yourself (if not to us).
You are well aware of what you need to you do. And there's no shame in it. This may be something you struggle with for the rest of your life, but there's help available, and you need to take advantage of it.
Best wishes. May be this be the last thread on this forum that you ever read.
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