I contacted Stars support, requesting a private tournament table.
In short, I can't open one because I don't meet the 2000 FPP requirement. Oh well. Here are the finalized details:
PokerStars, 7pm
Aeq v. TP
$5+.25 NLHE SnG
Normal chip count / blind structure applies.
If I win, I get $50, If I lose, I get NOTHING!!!!!
But I won't lose because he's my smacked bitch.
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