Personalities

[Dodoubled]

Hello. I'm a new poster but a frequent visitor, and a stranger to all but one. I go back a ways with TP. In fact, he pointed me to this site at a mutual friend's annual Christmas Eve party in 2004, and I've been meaning to get on to post ever since. It's well run, and I've recommended it to many of my poker-playing friends.

Anyway: I play mostly $50NL games online and 1-2NL live. Ten-dollar cash games are commonplace, too, usually once a week in the boss' basement. I don't consider myself a great player by any stretch, but I understand the game well enough to at least try and discuss it intelligently (I think). That doesn't stop me from making the occasional dumbass move, and I certainly wish I could turn this into more of a profit-making enterprise. Then again, don't we all?

Anyhow, in a late-night trip to A.C. last night with a couple of work buddies, I happened upon a table (and room) that pretty much filled the gamut when it comes to poker personalities.

Discuss, please, and feel free to add any I may have missed.

1.) The Professor. You know, the guy who thinks he's Howard Lederer. He knows everything, folds all his cards and then questions why certain plays are made without anyone soliciting him for advice. "Um, because I was in the hand, because that's what I read and because that's the play that would maximize the value I could get. Jackass!"
2.) The Burnout. A personal favorite. Usually shows up around 4 a.m., wearing a sweater with no undershirt, smelling like a pack of Basic Unfiltered. Buys in for 50 bucks on a $300-max, loses that, leaves for 15 minutes to smoke two cigarettes or a joint, and rolls back in for another $50 bucks. Loses that, heads to the blackjack table and comes back half an hour later with 20 bucks to his name. Doubles up five times in a row, acts surprised and leaves ahead, usually to buy more smokes.
3.) The Regular. Usually an older guy, he always knows the waitress, the dealer and at least one other person at the table. Has a habit of telling inside jokes that no one understands.
4.) The Former Mafia Guy. Every casino's got one. He wears black, yellow gold jewelry, shows chest hair and bets big. May have a tattoo or six.
5.) The Thug. Not directly sitting at our table, but could easily be heard across the poker room picking a fight with anyone ready and willing. We've all told this story before.
("I'll go outside with anyone. That's my invi-muthafxxking-tation," he bellowed on at least two separate occasions. Funny thing was, 15 security guys led him out of the room. Fifteen minutes later, he was back in his seat.)
6.) Mr. Too-Cool. Not only does this guy refrain from starting any conversation, he refrains from answering anything you might have to say. Passing comments like "nice hand," or "nice bet" are vehemently ignored, as if the guy has your chips in his ear. (He's especially silent if he does). You don't know if this guy is shy, a prick or just waiting for the right moment to jump across the table and slash your throat.
7.) The Dealer. Not the guy dealing the cards, but the guy who just got off work at an adjacent casino. Knows every dealer in the place like he's their frat brother. Sometimes can be seen with "Caesars" neckline peeking out from sweater, but usually changes clothes to remain somewhat inconspicuous.
8.) Mr. Oblivious. This is the guy who's so busy trying to engage Mr. Too-Cool in conversation, he often misses, oh, the full house he just turned and checks down to the river. Hmmm ... come to think of it, no one is that stupid ... OH, SHUT UP ALREADY.
9.) The Underage Kid. Makes a bankroll on Party, heads to the casino with collared shirt, backwards hat and five-o'clock shadow, then starts asking dumb questions about blind posting. Next thing you know, he's tripled up and you're in danger of getting blinded out of a cash game.
10.) The Seersucker Suit Wearer. Jacket, shirt and tie all match -- in baby blue.
11.) The Seersucker Suit Wearer's Girlfriend. Doesn't play. Sits in an empty seat at her man's side, watching him piss away his money to The Underage Kid. May be getting paid to do this.
12.) The Storyteller. Apparently, a few weeks back, an entire S.W.A.T. team burst into the Taj Mahal poker room, rifles in tow, looking for a guy wanted for murder. The entire room dove under the tables. The team then determined the guy must be in the bathroom, burst in and kicked open a stall to find the guy taking a shit. Except, it was the wrong guy.
Folks, we can't make this stuff up. But someone who has a better knack for spinning a yarn just might.
13.) The I-Pod Wearer: May or may not have music on the other end. Acutally bobs head back and forth on occasion. Often guilty of forgetting to post blinds in a timely manner. A distant cousin of Mr. Oblivious.
14.) The Nice Guy. Yes, there are plenty of them around -- the kind of person (guy or girl) who actually starts a conversation with you (gasp!), seems pleasantly interested in what you're saying, asks you your name and even shakes your hand when you leave, usually after busting you out.
15.) Shannon Elizabeth. Just kidding!